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Monday, June 4, 2012

Amusement Parks and Dog Cones

I have finally recuperated enough from our family trip to Valleyfair to actually sit down and rehash the details. Not that it was a bad trip. It was great. Just utterly exhausting.

For my readers that don't know, Valleyfair is the cat's meow of amusement parks in MN. As a kid I remember being in complete child like AWE of it's splendor. To be honest, I still had a bit of that awe walking through the gates...but it was more of an overwhelmed awe. Not to mention the: "Crap...everything is so expensive" awe. 

We decided to go because it was Girl Scout day which meant Sassy Girl scored us all half off tickets. Who can pass that up?? Not a cheapskate like me that's for sure! 

Several of our friends decided to come along too, which gave the hubs and I a bit more support with the kiddos in the sea of strangers. All hands on deck!

We piled into the car and headed out the night before as were were staying at a friend's house so we could get an early start at the amusement park the next day. 

Picture three adults, two crabby kids, and a dog with a cone around his head (recent neutering) piled into the car. This was our trip. It smelled like dog, peanut butter crackers, and more dog.

 The kids were at each other's throats the whole time and my patience was shredded to threads. Love and Logic parenting went right out the window after the first hour of whining and the phrase, "I'm gonna call Valleyfair and tell them we are NOT coming!" was hollered out at the kids more than once.

Apparently we are THAT important that our absence would cause great upset to the staff of Valleyfair. The phone call is necessary to prepare them for the obvious sadness and tears that would follow when we did not show up. And it will all be on you Little Dude and Sassy Girl. All on you. Be quiet. 

I'm pretty sure the friend that rode with us will never do it again. Ever. Childless folk.

Made it to our friend's house and discovered we needed to do some minor adjustments on the dog's cone as he was still able to lick himself. Where there's a will there's a way.

Vet friend suggests reinforcing cone with cardboard. The only cardboard available is an old Miller High Life case. Redneck solutions= Duck tape + beer case. Sorry dude. 

The next morning the kids are up at 5 am and on kid crack. Today is the DAY! They also got into the doughnuts when no one was looking and had about 3 each if I counted right.
The adults are sleep deprived and groggy. Cone headed dog spent half the night running into shit and waking everyone up. Dog revenge. 

After dealing with unexpected road construction, we finally get to our destination. Adults are hot, tired, and in need of a bathroom after all the coffee we downed. 

We walk through the gates and empty every last cent out of our pockets. Then it's on! Where to? Sassy Girl picks out a ride that turns her excited little face into a look of complete horror. That's my girl, alright.

There is one roller coaster in particular that I had been talking myself into going on for weeks prior. Now was the time to either put my money where my mouth was or run away with my tail between my legs. Normally I am not afraid to choose the latter...but peer pressure is a powerful thing. 

Once I am actually strapped into the thing and ready to willingly defy all laws of gravity...I start to have second thoughts. My friend decides now is the time to say, "Hey, do you remember three years ago when this coaster went off it's tracks?"    Ummm....no....?

 Why are we friends?  Just kidding. I love ya. But seriously...

Coaster starts off and I am feeling very uneasy being at the point of no return. At the top I actually say a prayer because I am a bit overdramatic at times, and I am convinced this is the end for me. 

Chains stop their torturous clinking and you hear the release. HOLY CRAP! A high pitched-blood curdling-scream like noise I have never heard before exits my body. I brace myself for 30 more seconds of this horror I talked myself into. Almost over, almost over, almost over. Phew....done. 

I get out of the torture chamber and my legs feel like jello, my head hurts, and my hands are still shaking. Yep, I paid to do this. What the heck?!

I'm convinced those cameras they have set up to snap a picture at the end of some crazy drop are just for evidence in the event of a death. After seeing my picture I am pretty sure I flat lined at that point. Thank God I said my prayers and was revived shortly after. 

Needless to say, we spent the rest of the day in the kiddie section and water park. I avoided my nemeses, the Tilt a Whirl and Teacups, but everything else was fair game. 

As the sun begins to go down we pile back in the car, go get cone head, and head for home. Our entire carload looks absolutely defeated by the all mighty amusement park. 

The next day. Could barely walk. Thank you Valleyfair for not only reminding me I am getting older, but for giving me that kick in the pants to get my affairs in order "just in case".

(Just so we're clear, I am referring to freak roller coaster accidents. They totally happen.)


  1. Lol! Love it!!! And it sounds like nate behaved:) Leia I really think you should turn your stories into a book! I am reading Lets Pretend This Never Happened and its on the best seller and its the authors blogs about her life and its so funny but yours are a hundred times better! Think about it you could be famous! And if you do I hope your first book is dedicated to your sister in law!

  2. Jaimie, you made my day :) Thank you for the ego boost ha ha! I would love to venture into the book writing world...someday. I am my own worst critic and I have a lot to work on before/if I tip toe out of the amateur blogging world. Your encouragement means a lot to me!!

    PS: I am now going to have to read that book!!