Hey Sandman?? Where ARE you??

Bedtime.

Say that word to my 7 and 4 year old and to them I might as well have bought them a soundtrack featuring eight babies crying, three old men snoring, and several pesky mosquitoes buzzing around in the night.

Was that ridiculous analogy necessary? My apologies. I'm feeling off tonight. 


They turn their noses up at me in annoyance like this whole crazy bedtime thing is something new.

"Can I just go outside for 4 minutes and ride my bike first?"

 Congrats on rounding the time down to try and psyche me out...but no.  Also, where have you been the last 7 years? Do you ever take a bath, get your pajamas on, brush your teeth, and then go on a little bike cruise? Ever? 


"Can we have a snack?"

Since you decided that your green beans made better nose plugs than food...I'm going to have to decline that request too. I know. I'm mean. I'm working on it...but it's still time for bed. 




Defeated...the children reluctantly go to bed. They go to bed. Not to sleep. We are just switching locations at this point.

Stories read. Kisses given. Blankets tucked in. Dolls and stuffed animals given equal amounts of motherly affection at my children's request.


Yeah...sounds weird, but at some point giving a stuffed dog, American girl doll, blue moose, and a fluffy chicken kisses became part of the night routine. 


Lights out.


Take a breath and walk slowly out to the hall...

"Mom?"

Sigh. 


"Can I have more water?"

Given your track record of wetting the bed I think that we've hydrated you enough for the night. 


Tip toe tip toe tip toe....

"MOM!?"

Grr.


"What's for breakfast?"

Freaking Captain Crunch. Did I turn into a gourmet cook all of a sudden with crazy fun new recipes for breakfast?? No. Go to sleep. 


Slowly walk to couch. Silence. Sit down. Bliss. Turn on TV...

"MOM!!!!!???????"

@#*&!!!!!!


WHAT!


"I love you."




Damn it. Kryptonite.