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Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Woman's Revenge

 I am getting old. Turning 28 may not seem old to some, but my body just can't do what it used to do. In fact, after a weekend of staying up past 1am this body is giving me a big fat middle finger right now. Several "somethings"cracked when I got out of bed this morning. My skeleton is complaining. 

I begged the hubs to go out with me since we had a sitter, we never go out together, and a really good band was in town. He balked at the idea at first and then our friends said they would go. Then it wasn't such a stupid idea.

I decide to get an energy drink because I am ready for bed at 8pm. I am literally giving my body a pep talk. You can do this. You have plans. Fun plans. Get your head in the game. 

Energy drink gives me a fake cracked out second wind and off we go into the night. Our friend is driving. I am not risking getting pulled over for some idiotic thing again. Because THAT would be MY luck. 

I have to use the restroom when we get to the bar because bladders hate energy drinks. When I come out, husband and friend are nowhere to be found. They do not have that girl code embedded in them that instinctively knows to wait for you so you don't get separated from each other.

Now I get to walk around like an idiot looking for them.  I could have been stabbed you jerks. 

I finally find them and hubs is well into his first pitcher of beer. I mentally note that him drinking is better than him complaining until we leave.

That is until a bit more of overindulging occurs. Whiskey is ordered next.  Then I think...crap. This will not end well.

His "funny" for the evening is derogatorily calling me "Woman" instead of my name.

 I let it go the first few instances. I am just happy he is not whining about what a stupid idea it was to go out.

Then he decides to introduce me to someone.

"Woman this is Shannon. Shannon this is Woman."

Seriously? I let Shannon know what my actual name is and shoot dagger eyes towards my obliterated hubs.

They go unnoticed.

I remind myself that this is my fault because I was the one that suggested (forced) him to go out.

Frustrated, I go dance by myself for the remainder of the night. Apparently, my anxiety about dancing by myself is weaker than my anger.

I hear in the distance, "Woman! It's time to go." I grit my teeth and we head back home.

I am secretly happy that hubs is puking when we get home. That's horrible isn't it? Chill out. I did get him a glass of water and walk him to bed. I'm not heartless. He did manage to say, "Thanks Woman."

Remember that energy drink I had at 8pm? Yeah. Terrible idea. I was awake and pissed for at least 2 more hours tossing and turning.

Today...I am crabby. An old crabby person that will be going to bed very early tonight. The hubs and I did share a laugh today about his behavior last night. So no worries...I shredded the divorce papers.

I told him his punishment was that I was going to blog about him being an ass.

I hope you enjoyed reading my revenge.


  1. You are so funny! Now you should tell him his mother will be reading this! And he should be prepared for a long lecture! Oh nate...why oh why!

  2. Ha ha! Uh oh! Unfortunately I don't think he cares. Me on the other hand...I am rethinking some of my wording now that mother in law is reading. Hi Cheryl. Sorry for all the cursing. Love you.