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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

French Fry Crime Scene

We went out to eat for my sister's birthday yesterday.

 Applebees.

 I may need to write a letter of apology to all of the patrons who unfortunately decided to dine out yesterday between the hours of 6pm and 8pm.

I don't know who my children were last night. You know those people's kids that elderly folk just shake their heads at...yeah. Bingo. Those were my kids. And I just kind of gave up after a certain point.

I should have planned to wait at the door and apologize in advance if you were sitting anywhere within earshot/creepy booth peering/acting like an idiot range of our booth.

Partially my fault. My kids usually eat at 5 pm. On the fricken dot. If it is 5:02 pm and food is not on the table...let the whining commence.

So they were hungry.

Also, Daughter (who I will from now on refer to as Sassy Girl...because it unfortunately fits her all knowing 1st grader personality), decided to pick a fight with me on the way to the restaurant.

I know that sounds horrible...but I SWEAR she does pick fights. She was all in a tizzy because I forgot to pack her sunglasses in her backpack for a skit she was doing.

Don't get me wrong, I felt bad that I forgot...but I was taking this opportunity to try and teach Sassy Girl that she was also responsible for remembering things that she needed for school.

This did not go over well. I got the silent treatment. Well, first I got the comment that I am mean and everyone else's mommy is nice. Then I got the silent treatment. Sometimes my 7 yr old is a "B". I love her to death. But... just sayin'.

Finally we get to the restaurant and wait FOREVER to get our order taken. Well, maybe it seems like forever because already Little Dude has tried to kiss the lady in the booth next to us, Sassy Girl is singing "Freak the Freak Out" at the top of her lungs...and no one is listening to mom. Pleading. Threatening. Embarrassed.

Besides my sister's birthday there are like 9 other birthdays being celebrated. We contemplated whether or not this is actual fact or these sleeze balls were just trying to get a free sundae.

 I'd totally lie for ice cream.


Every time the birthday chant would start the kids would get up and dance and get all revved up all over again. Just fricken sit down and play tic toe with grandma for the 90th time already! 


I wonder how awful it would be to have to chant that stupid birthday song over and over again. The repetitive clapping may lead to a workman's comp claim eventually. 

We got our food. Ate. Sort of. More threatening took place as children again tried to crawl under the table and run a muck about the restaurant. Also, the children decided burping loudly and giggling was acceptable in a restaurant. I want to DIE. 

We get the check and peace the *f* out of this place. Leaving behind a crime scene of ketchup and chewed up french fries scattered about the booth and floor.

The car ride home all I can think about is an ice cold beer. Or ten. Maybe twenty.

I'm surprised I woke up at all this morning actually.


2 comments:

  1. Ha ha Marie, my daughters found it extremely funny to say "fork and knife" really quickly at restaurants (say it quick you will get why it was wrong) I also stopped ordering a salad to share as my husband and my middly thought having a fork fight for the feta cheese was greatly amusing. when I had breakfast with my young adult daughter she was having great fun pretending to pack all the condiments into her handbag. I think personally I simply should not eat out with my family.

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  2. Ha! Fork and knife! That's funny!

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