Slipper Socks Are Sexy!

 I am sick. The kind of sick that leaves you shuffling around like a zombie in those slipper socks you thought you would never wear and a snot stained over sized robe. Yuck. My nostrils seem to be having a battle of which side can plug up the longest and then all at once they decide to open the flood gates. Ha! You can not blow the crud out...it's just going to drip out so you look like a three year old that does not know how to wipe her nose. Great. You know that Mucinex commercial with the little green dudes (aka: snot) having a party? Totally picturing that happening in my body. A snot party.

My kids are oblivious to fact that I may be dying. In fact I tried to yell at them this morning and I lost my voice so all that came out was a squeak. They laughed. Hard. Heartless little monsters. So what if mom sounds like Minnie Mouse smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for 20 years. Show some respect!  I'd probably laugh at my mom too...


Maybe I should rephrase the statement that my kids are oblivious to the fact that I am sick. What I should say is that they ARE aware and take full advantage of my incapacitated state. They just don't seem to feel bad for me or care. They still ask to be fed. They still fight. They still whine for Valentine candy at 7:30 am. They still say I am mean. There is no off button...or even volume control for that matter. But they are aware that when mom is sick they can get away with most anything.

Breakfast? Cereal and cookies.

Sibling rivalry? Don't fight in the living room. Go to your room if you are going to fight. My head hurts.

Clothes to wear to school? Whatever you want. Stripes and zebra patterns totally match.

Did you comb your hair? As long as there is not a family of squirrels in there I don't care.

Chores done? Breakfast dishes still on the table. Dog dying of hunger. Toys have exploded out of their room into the hallway...there could be living people trapped under the mounds of hot wheels and Little Tykes toys. We don't know yet. All I know is if I step on a Lego piece I am going to flip out.


 By the time this virus leaves my body I will probably have about 5 days worth of catch up cleaning and behavior modification for my little angels that are getting used to doing whatever they please. They should create a super vaccine for moms so they never get sick because the aftermath is horrible.

 I guess a positive way to look at this situation is realizing that these people could never survive without me. I am needed. Desperately.

I think I will go make myself some chicken broth. There is leftover pizza in the fridge and tons of chocolate. I   am choosing chicken broth. Pretty sure this is a good indicator that I am nearing death. Pray for me.