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Friday, February 10, 2012

Does this chair make my butt look big?

Today was the day. Parent day at the preschool. To my 4 year old this special day is hovering in the realm of Christmas morning. "Mommy gets to come to school with ME! *insert crazy robot/seizure dance*  I'm soooo excited!" I'm feeling pretty inflated after this awesome show of admiration from my adoring fan. Roll out the red carpet...MOMMY has arrived! I am soaking it all up now because I know it is only a matter of time before my kids would rather melt their eyeballs with acid than be seen anywhere in public with me.

Getting ready for the big day takes time. Time we don't have because Mommy prefers to lay in bed for the longest possible time. Evidently in my sleepy state I somehow figure that I am fricken Speedy Gonzalez and that the properties of actual time to not apply to me. But I digress.

 First thing I do this morning is go into the bathroom to put my eyeballs in and I am greeted with a sleepy looking face with a big scab on it's nose in the mirror. Thank you walking dead virus and sandpaper tissue. (Note to self: don't be such a cheapskate.) Well this bites. Now I have to resist telling everyone I see that I have a scab on my nose NOT a leftover nose soldier from the last eruption of sneezes that shook my entire nasal cavity. Don't look at me. I'm hideous. Whatever...time to move on. Dress to impress. Actually less impressing and more: don't wear pants that show your butt crack when you sit on the shape carpet. That lesson was learned last parent day. I hope I am not deemed butt crack/booger mom at the school. Actually maybe I do. I'd fit right in with the kids. I could be awesome. Infiltrate their exclusive club of 4 year old awesome-ness. 

While walking into the school my little dude was at that weird point of excitement kids get to when they have so much anxiety built up that it comes out in strange Tarzan noises and twitching. (Who ARE you?!)  First thing I notice is they have coffee. Smart teachers. Keep the parents happy so they actually take the kids back home with them. We go directly to play doh table. Perfect. I can handle play doh. In fact I LOVE play doh when it's not in my house ground into my carpet. Auntie J. walks in...HOLY CRAP my little dude is beaming. Totally his day! Auntie J. usually makes an appearance at parent day because she is awesome like that. We make sure to pointedly call her Auntie several times since it's usually me and her at parent day because daddy can rarely get time off for these events. Not that there is anything wrong with same sex domestic partnerships. Totally support them. But she's family and that's weird. 

Lights flicker on and off. Little dude springs into action. He cues up like a Russian sleeper agent. It's time to clean up and go over to the shape carpet for story time. I'm feeling pretty confident in my stretchy non butt crack showing pants. Bring it on shape carpet. Notice little dude's face is still dirty from breakfast. Hmm. Upon further inspection I notice his nails look like the long nails of a wicked witch in a Halloween coloring book. Better take care of that. I was so concerned about finding no butt crack pants that I neglected to notice my son's little issues. Oh well. Just don't sit on the shape next to the child wearing the adorable little suit...

Next, we are separated from the kids to go to the big gym. They are going to put on a program for us. Crap...I missed the memo on this. I panic. No camera. No video camera. Ugh. I feel like a jerk. Making mental note for next parent day. I relax and decide to let it go. My little dude is a rising star. The way he held up his mittens for his role in the program...I can tell he is going to make it big. 

We said our goodbyes after filling up on popcorn, raisins, and M&M's. I totally would have had seconds on snack but I'm not even sure if I was supposed to have firsts.

 Another parent day to add to the memory book. And hopefully I never get amnesia because this literally will be documented only in my memory due to the fact that I am an idiot and forgot the damn camera. 


  1. It was a great day at school! And you have a talent for writing I literally laugh out loud reading this!

  2. Thanks Jaimie! I am glad you could experience the "special day" with us!