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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Martha Stewart's Worst Nightmare

I will never win an award for my domestic skills. Don't get me wrong. I DO try. I just kind of suck at it.

 I stick to cooking things I know and run full speed away from recipes that have more than 5 ingredients and words I can't pronounce. Cream of Anything soups are my secret ingredient.

 My car looks like a bag of cheerios, broken color crayons, and random melted fruit snacks collided to create the "Big Bang Theory of Filth". I ignore the mess until my car starts to smell like stale Happy Meal. Then it's a massive no mercy for what may get sucked up in the shop vac cleaning session.
I know many people work on the idea that every time you get out of the car you take the trash with you. In my defense I am usually loaded down with two backpacks, my work folder, purse, and random mittens/shoes that the kids decide to fling off in the ten minute ride from school to home. I only have so many appendages. My kids seem to think I am an octopus. Once I actually get inside the house it is a mad frenzy for snack because the little darlings are near starvation being they have not eaten for 3 whole hours.

The laundry is never ending. I am pretty great at keeping up on the washing, drying, and folding. Makes for perfect laundry folding scheduled TV time for mom. However, the whole putting laundry away I absolutely hate. Why? No clue. It is simple enough when you think about it. To a housewife with self diagnosed ADD it is several different piles with several different locations. Overwhelming. Missing socks are all it takes for me to get thrown off course. In fact, I also have massive sock matching days. Apparently instead of completing small tasks as they arise the procrastinator in me prefers to save it all up for one big time sucking day of fun! YAY!

The rest of the house I do make a good effort to keep up. I am self trained on the never ending cycle of dirty dishes/clean dishes. Bathroom is typically free of the disasters that little boys tend to leave all over the vicinity of the toilet. This is due to Little Dude's current fear of flooding toilets and I am typically in the bathroom with him at his request with bathroom cleaner in hand to clean up after misfires. Even with all this effort it does seem that I am constantly in "keep up" mode. Yesterday I was happily deep cleaning the kitchen. Fridge sanitized and cleaned out of questionable leftovers, cupboards wiped down and organized, floors scrubbed and shining...it was beautiful people. However, this gorgeous display of gleaming shiny cleanliness came at a cost. You see during this time of OCD cleaning my son was home from preschool. He was in his room playing oh so nicely. Not a peep out of him. As many a mother knows this is not necessarily a good sign. For me an immaculate shiny clean kitchen means this:

 He made a garbage truck at the dump. His actual words not mine.

Sigh...my work is never done.

This is why instead of an award for my domestic skills I will at best come home with a green participation ribbon. I am okay with that for now.

2/29/12 EDIT:

We had a snow day today. To prove that I am not a total lazy butt and that my children's room is not always in a crazy state of craptastic messiness I compulsively feel the need to share the fruits of my labor today.

You don't want to see my kitchen. 


  1. And did you not just spend a day cleaning the kids room not that long ago?! He is certainly one creative boy though! Who wouldn't want to play at the dump!

  2. Yep I sure did! Thank goodness for the snow day. It's back to it's temporary state of awesome cleanliness! :)

  3. Marie my husband and I hardly ever argue about anything except socks. No matter how many he buys two weeks and only one of each will be left. I have no idea where the things go to.