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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Up to my Eyeballs in WHAT??

You all are going to read about my crappy day. My literally crappy day. Yes, I know the word "literally" is typically inappropriately used...but read on and you will see that it was indeed literally crappy.

 At about two in the morning I wake up from blissful new comforter sleep to screaming from the children's room. 

I stumble out of bed half awake to find Little Dude upset, ticked, and wet in his bed. 

"I have been yelling for you forever and you just ignored me!" 

Ugh. Way to make me feel like the worst mom EVER. Maybe I was sleeping hard and dreaming about, oh I don't know, ANYTHING OTHER THAN CLEANING UP PEE! 

I asked him why he didn't just come and get me. 

He looked at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet. 

"Because I peed the bed. I can't walk like this."  DUH.

I helped him clean up, brought the laundry downstairs, scrubbed the mattress, and finally remade the bed. By this point I probably should have just cut my losses and got up for the morning. 

But as you all may or may not know...it doesn't matter if it's 2 hrs until it's time to wake up or 2 minutes. If it is before that alarm goes off I am rolling over and snoozing for any possible amount of time. Pretty sure I've reset the alarm for 30 seconds at least once in my life. 

So the alarm goes off at its normal time. I am not happy about it. But the show must go on. Since Little Dude is in the same boat as me (even worse because he was rudely awakened in a sea of piss) he is the king of crabs. 

Finally get both the kids off to school/daycare. Not without an argument over why I should pick all of the non-marshmallow pieces out of the Lucky Charms, mind you. 

Get myself ready and head to work. Once I get to work I have to pee. 8000 cups of coffee will do that to a girl. 

Open the door to the bathroom. 

Cue Jaws music, Psycho music, pretty much any horror movie music and you will get the point.

I walked into World War III.

Catastrophe in epic smelly proportions.

Whoever caused this aftermath needs to see a doctor STAT.

Toilet was clogged in ways I didn't know a toilet could be clogged.

I shut the door and ran out to the front office to yell out my findings. No one took credit for the present and no one seemed to want to help remedy or situation.

I had to get out of there. For one, it stunk. For two, I still had to pee out the nine billion cups of coffee I ingested prior to arriving at work.

I went to the gas station to relieve myself, and continued to dry heave at the reality that I was going to have to deal with the crap floating in the toilet.

When I arrived back at work, a co worker of mine was thankfully on board with helping me since she saw/heard my stomach's intolerance of this task.

We gear up for this mission. Gloved and plunger in hand we dive into the shit. Someone else's shit. So pissed at this point. Who the heck would just leave a toilet full of their bad decisions for someone else to take care of???

Several dry heaves, a run to Wal-Mart for a better plunger, a snake, masks (yes MASKS) and half a can of Glade air freshener we think we have the issue somewhat solved.

The afternoon rolls around and again the toilet floods. At this point we are happy it's of the number 1 variety not the number 2.

Screw it. Not dealing with it again. Dialing the maintenance man, who LAUGHS at our escapades.

Do you even UNDERSTAND that I will need to BURN these shoes??? 

I call it a day at work. Head out a little early because I have to pee again. Because I'm human and this no functioning facility business is ridiculous.

What do I find when I get home?

A guilty dog that wouldn't look me in the eye and garbage strewn across the living room.

I wade through the coffee grounds and air head wrappers to get to my couch. Sit down. Look at the disgusting mess.

I laughed. Because I didn't want to cry. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

After my slight breakdown I clean up the mess.

And now? I am drinking a beer.

Cheers to the shittiest day ever.

Cheers everyone. Cheers.

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