A Change Will Do You Good

I am a creative thinker. My state of mind from time to time will be flooded with ideas of grandeur. Out of nowhere they will take over my thoughts and for a brief moment in time I am driven by motivation, inspiration, and the belief that I will see an end result.

However, tucked away in that creative mind is the rationalizing, procrastinating, doubtful jerk of a second personality that always rears its ugly head. 

Sometimes, taking charge of your life and doing something completely different is comparable to playing hopscotch next to a bottomless pit. Weird analogy, right? Bear with me. 

Change is normal and can be inviting. But it can also seem scary. The process can be uncomfortable if you stumble and that end result you once dreamed up can start to look like a pipe dream. Fear and negativity creep in and you feel like your progress is stunted. When I get to that point I feel like I'm free falling through unfamiliar territory.  

This dance is wearing on me. I'm speaking in rather general terms on purpose because this definitely applies to some of the major decisions in my life...but it also tends to be true with some of the more trivial items in my life.

 Case in point:

 8:00am: "I am going to strive to lead a healthy lifestyle."

Which is not necessarily trivial, BUT let's face it, my main motivation is getting back into some of the pants in my closet and not wearing a sweater over my arms that I curse at in the mirror. That's trivial.

12:00 pm: Carrots for lunch. Pat on the back. You must have reversed at least a year of terrible eating habits with those 6 carrots you just ate.

5:30 pm: Crap. I didn't take anything out for dinner. We just got done school clothes shopping. I'm beat and I don't want to cook. McDonald's is okay right? I'll just have a salad. 

6:00 pm: At McDonald's. I read somewhere that the salad has more calories than the burger. I might as well have a burger.  Burger is delicious. See someone eating an apple across the street.

I suck.

In this fast paced world, my second personality seems to take over while I'm stuck in the uncomfortable passage between creative thinking and actual creativity. "This is different. I'm scared. I will fail. I can do this later. I don't have instant results. This will never work. This is hard." Blah blah blah.

Reality is...it's all on me. No one else. Maybe that's the scariest part. If I want to see ideas set in motion I need to work through it until the end. I've always hated taking risks, because I'm a safe kind of gal, but sometimes the end result is worth the risk.

New things to come. Here comes my creative thinking again...here's to not chickening out. 

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."

Frederick Douglass